During Nice Weather DNR wants you to watch for Bloomington Cowboys
It surely feels like spring is upon us early. This has many of us making extra stops and getting back out and with that this means a rise in interactions with Bloomington Cowboys.
DNR issued a notice today advising citizens to be cautious while driving, walking in state parks or shopping at Rural King. The Bloomington Cowboy has come out of hibernation early this year and if there is yet some late season snow this could produce even more of a hazard.
In a notice posted on line part of the danger is explained; "Their hats are really oversized and when they put them on after a winter of sleeping in their $3,000 loft apartments they some times walk really unsteady and have difficulty driving their Front Wheel Drive Trucks."
Another concern is the temperament of the Bloomington Cow Boy at the beginning of every season. They can be confused and aggressive until they acclimate to their surroundings. A national study conducted by a joint USDA/NBLM initiative found this to be in part to nicotine withdraws and in the study it cited the best course of action is to keep disposable Nicotine Vaporizers in your car.
Judah resident, Phil shared a relatable story with us over Facebook regarding this. "I always keep a couple JUULs in my car in case one of them is either blocking the road or looks like it is in trouble. A few times last year I had to throw them out the window so they could get their head on straight. Once they calm down all you have to do is point them north and just hope they can find their way back"
Bloomington Cow Boys are a subspecies unique to South Central Indiana. They have many of the same characteristics of a traditional Cow Boy while having an appearance and behavior that make them less likely to survive in most of the state. These differences include:
- A larger than normal hat that can obstruct their eyesight and keep them from making it through most doorways or trails. These hats are typically stuck on because of the excessive amount of pomade a Bloomington Cowboy uses.
- Insufficient transportation for most of the state. Each Bloomington Cowboy is given a front wheel drive Honda Ridgeline or Hyundai Santa Cruz. These are perfect for most of Monroe County but can be a hazard in areas where other Cowboys go.
- Unbalanced Lower/Upper body strength. Bloomington Cowboys aren't able to defend themselves like their counterparts in the rest of the state because of a rare genetic condition that limits their ability to evenly grow muscle. This means that they are unable to compete in Rodeos, build fences, fix tractors or even ride a horse. Bloomington Cowboys typically come in two distinctly different physics, the lower body cross-fit gym cowboy or the top heavy Planet Fitness cowboy.
- Unable to handle/operate firearms. Perhaps the single biggest handicap to the Bloomington Cowboy is their inability to use a firearm in any capacity. When presented with one they typically become very skittish and will run. The City of Bloomington has installed gun restriction signs around town and in front of area businesses that they frequent in order to lessen the hazard posed by stampeding.
Bloomington Cowboy stampedes are uncommon but can have serious consequences. In 2016 there was an incident documented in which a group of Bloomington Cowboys became spooked by fireworks near the lake. This caused a stampede with minor injuries to the cowboys and Bloomington citizens who were present at the time. Emergency Response notes list injuries sustained ranged from sprained wrists to superficial irritant burns from the velvet of the Cowboy's boots.
If you happen to spot a Bloomington Cowboy make slow movements and help them get to a safe area. They are calmed by music. Playing Taylor Swift or Coffey Anderson will keep them subdued enough to get them out of harms way.